when i was 14, i got down on my knees because he said i would if i loved him.

dawn saylor is a spoken word poet. i happened to run across a dawn saylor soundbyte on kazaa three years ago. below are my favorite stanzas from her poem entitled "isis." the link provides the full poem.

when i was 14, i got down on my knees because he said i would if i loved him
what did i know then when i first betrayed my body
sold it for a kiss and a smile
taught to please at any cost, left to fight for independence
in the backseats of cars on stained leather interior
dank with expectations.
i traded integrity for security and called it love.

....and i heard myself say "no"
over and over
he didn't hear me, wouldn't listen
when he called me a whore and took
the only innocence i had left

i was searching still for purity

....and three years of vengeance passed
while i was that woman despised,
coveted
while they begged for plastic perfection
found in the temptation
inches from their faces
i could feel the longing, the lies when they said,
"you're so beautiful"

it wasn't enough.
he loved music more than me.
loved work more than me.
loved money more than me.
loved her more than me.
and i loved him more than me.